Well we arrived back from our holiday in Sa Coma (Majorca) late last night and although it’s been great to get away I am admittedly also kind of pleased to be back on home turf. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a lovely break – I totally switched off from work/emails etc, the hotel was an immaculate 4 star, the flights were fine and the weather was HOT (after a a bit of an iffy start). It only served to make us appreciate it even more once the sun was finally out all day.
The week away with a 3 year old and 13 year old was an eye opener in many ways:
1) Trying to keep 2 kids entertained for 8 days is stressful! Especially two of such different ages. I feel like I have basically been babysitting since 3-10am on Saturday 1st September! I almost need another holiday to recover…
2) Teenagers are stroppy little f*ckers! We’ve had voluntarily imposed silences, episodes of intentionally sitting at the other side of the hotel and at a different pool (all day!) and strops over who was getting the window seat. Gimme strength!
3) Drinks on all-inclusive deals are crap – I’m so pleased to be home and drinking wine out of a bottle as opposed to a tap! Anyone who can get drunk on all inclusive drinks is either a) 14 or b) drinking all day!
4) German tourists have a name for themselves for a reason. Within a week I have endured a) them trying to nick my sunbed as I am standing next to it, with my hotel towel clearly displayed! and b) two little German f*ckers spitting on my son in the hotel play park. Is there ANY need??? GRRRRRRRRR!
5) Holidays are not good for stress-head parents such as myself. Enhanced stress levels were caused on a daily basis by a) ceramic floors everywhere causing slips and falls basically brought on by a 3 year old being incapable of walking slowly anywhere and b) new found bravery of aforementioned child in the swimming pool.
6) Given about 3 million breakfast options your 13 year old stepson will only want the cakes and biscuits and the 3 year old will only want to eat chocolate sauce with a spoon.
Nice healthy brekkie – NOT!
7) You eat about 10 times as much on all-inclusive than a) normal and b) is remotely necessary.
8) Offering spaghetti and potato wedges as part of all inclusive tapas is not my idea of Spanish cuisine.
9) Your first family holiday will make you regret never having gone to Ibiza pre-kids even more.
10) Your first family holiday will make you apprciate all the amazing places you visited pre-kids and want to go back even more. The realisation that this will probably not happen again for about 20 years is quite depressing!!!
11) Hotel entertainment is both dubious and amusing but “Las Vegas” dancers will keep all males entertained especially if you sit near the front!!!
11) Your child’s face as his first ever flight takes off is just priceless.
