Moving on. Slowly.

Well it’s Saturday night and for once I’m having a quiet weekend. Well, as quiet as it gets with an almost-four year old! What I mean is that I’ve not made my usual back to back weekend plans and, although it’s felt a bit strange, it’s also been quite liberating as well as productive. The chores are done, the house is clean, I’ve enjoyed “quality” time with Jake…and now he’s asleep and the hubby’s at work. And I’m bored!

Then I realised I’ve neglected the old blog of late so thought I’d hop on for the latest installment.

It’s almost 3 months since my Mam died and I guess those of us left behind are trying to deal with a world with a mam-shaped hole in it. My sister and I are constantly worrying about our Dad who, it seems, is doing ok all things considered. Jake has taken to mentioning his Nana at completely random intervals, with real gut-wrenching questions like “How did Nana get up to heaven”? It’s taught me to think on my toes and I guess it’s preparation for later questions like “Where do babies come from” and “Does Santa really exist?”. It certainly knocks the wind out of your sails when you realise that his little mind still thinks about her and misses her in his life.

Jake spending time with his Grandad

Jake spending time with his Grandad

So life is moving on, the texts asking “how are you?” are ebbing away (understandably) and we all just have to adjust to this new way of life. Mother’s Day was tough (in fact the whole weekend was), but I survived to tell the tale. The strangest things can set me off, for example my hubby the other day randomly asked how I learned to put make up on. Well, as most girls will say, their first lessons were always with their mam, invariable putting some garish eye shadow on and a spot of “rouge”. It’s memories like that which keep popping up at inopportune moments and knocking me for six. I also now work quite close to where my Mam worked for twenty (plus) years, and I sometimes drive past her old place of work, remembering Saturday mornings spent typing letters for my dad, stealing post it notes and generally “helping out” with my little sis. I am quite sure we weren’t meant to be there, but in those days no-one seemed to mind.

In other news, our little boy is FOUR next week! So this time 4 years ago I was eating pineapple by the bucket load and drinking that bloody raspberry leaf tea by the gallon (neither of which worked BTW). And I was about to embark on the toughest few weeks of my life!!!! But the subsequent rewards have been worth it a million times over…

So for the big day he has a new cabin bed from us and his grandparents – he is one lucky boy. To say he is excited would be an understatement! God help us on the day itself! Everything is currently being counted in batches of four in anticipation of the big day – four hugs before bed, four kisses as I leave for work, crumpets have to be cut into four etc etc. Bless him.

Batman obsessed and "nearly four"

Batman obsessed and “nearly four”

As for me, well I’ve embarked on another weight-loss mission and so far it’s been hard work but it’s paying off. I’ve lost ten pounds in about 6 weeks. I also signed up for the Great North Run in a moment of temporary insanity, only for my hips to seize up after one POWER WALK/JOG!!! I’m now being referred for physio after x-rays showed nothing. So my dreams of a 13-miler may have to go on the back burner for now. I think it’s my body’s way of telling me I’m basically nearly forty and am therefore SUPER OLD!!!!!

On that note, I’m off to bed soon! xxxx

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